Masters of Community with David Spinks

Building Deeper Friendships with Kat Vellos

Episode Summary

Today we have the pleasure of hearing from Kat Vellos, author of “We Should Get Together”, who discusses all things friendship and how to establish meaningful connections. When Kat first moved to the Bay Area, she struggled to have ongoing, deep friendships due to the transient nature of Silicon Valley. She took this opportunity to learn about the loneliness epidemic and how to create meaningful connections. We dive into the loneliness effects of social media as well as the impacts of Covid on loneliness. Kat teaches how community builders can help their members form real lasting deep relationships through the 4 Seeds of Connection: Compatibility, Frequency, Commitment, Proximity. We wrap up discussing how to be intentional and honest with your needs and boundaries in friendships and community. Who is this episode for?: Everyone, In-Person & Online, Revitalizing 3 key takeaways: The 4 Seeds of Connection are: Compatibility, Frequency, Commitment, and Proximity. Both building or being a part of a community and establishing individual close friendships are crucial to finding meaningful connections and escaping the loneliness epidemic. Creating a norm for deep, real talk in communities will establish a culture of real friendship and lifelong bonds. Provide prompts to start real conversations, help people help each other, and make it known that this is a place to talk about XYZ. Notable Quotes: “Community is a wonderful source of those friendships and sometimes those friendships lead us to community. But I really think of them as two like branches on the same tree. I think life is full when there's a bit of both. When there are those intimate, close friendships with just a few people and then of course there's the outer rings of like less close friends, but you know, you feel good, they're your homeys, they can come to your birthday, you know? And then there's the friendly acquaintances and then there's community where there are interrelated ties between each individual person. So it's not just like a pile of disparate people that don't know each other, but they all know you in community. There's a sense of belonging within the group, to each person in the group, with each person in the group.” “The less you keep it in the shadow and keep it invisible, the easier it is to solve. So when I said to people, ‘I'm working on a book about adult friendship’, people were like, ‘Oh my God, I really want to talk about that. It's been hard or it's been this’, but they don't talk about it to anybody. Because everybody feels like you can't talk about it, but everybody wants to talk about it. So say this is the place to talk about XYZ thing, you know, no matter what it is, whatever topic that you tend to focus on in your work or that you want to bring to your community as a source of growth and learning.” Rapid fire question answers: 1. What’s your favorite book to recommend to others? The Secret Lives of Color 2. Who’s an up and coming community builder you think is going to do big things? If Lost, Start Here by Amanda Sheeren and Claire Fitzsimmons. 3. What’s your go-to community engagement starter? Instead of ‘how are you?’ - ‘What’s been in your tabs lately?’ ‘What’s something you’re looking forward to or something you’ve been dealing with?’ ‘What’s been on your mind that you want to talk about?’ ‘What do you do or don’t want to talk about today?’ 4. What’s your go-to self care practice? Nature 5. Would you rather have one good friend for the rest of your life or a hundred loose connections? One good friend. 6. Weirdest community you’ve been a part of? Living in an Intentional Community. Semi off-the-grid in a rural coastal jungle of the Southeast edge of the Big Island. 7. If you’re on your death bed and you could only leave one piece of life advice behind for all the future generations, what would that advice be? Whatever your gift is, give it. Whatever your purpose is, live it. Links: Instagram: Twitter: Books and events: Work: